Everything is coming up. You take yourself with you wherever you go, and we often carry with us far more emotional energetic baggage than the material things in our backpacks.
The last 24 hours have been rough emotionally. I noticed a deep sadness and sense of loneliness arise in my being. Feelings of being lost, confused, and afraid. Judgmental thoughts arose. Feelings of regret, loss, and longing for my dogs and what was in my comfortable, predictable, seemingly secure previous life/lives.
Last night it became so intense that I got out of bed, went outside on the porch, looked to the stars, and prayed for guidance. I sat quietly and of course it came.
Stay the course.
I get so scared and uncomfortable so quickly. Part of me fears that I’ll fail or have the wrong experience or not do it right or that I should be doing something else or that I’m not doing enough. Regrets emerge. Backwards comparisons to what I had emerge. I judge myself, and think how stupid I was to let go.
But my higher guidance reminds me that this is where I need to be with my ass in the wind.
On previous leaps of faith, I didn’t really allow the universe to catch me. I didn’t give her enough time or enough trust to do her thing with my life and my transformation. I got scared and turned to self will and attractive manipulations to numb the fear.
Now, I feel I really just gotta flow, be in this travel free fall experience, and listen to her guidance, even when it scares the shit out of me, because I feel like I don’t have control or won’t be able to support myself or will be completely isolated or will be engulfed by insanity.
No. I feel divinely guided to be here now to enjoy, learn, and grow. I am learning how to be. I am learning to sit with my emotions and not chase them away. I am learning more by doing nothing. I am learning minimalism and complete and utter surrender.
Right now, my only task is to be with my emotions. I am laying on my belly listening to the waves. I realize and fully know that all is ok. Memories come up. Sadness and loss come up. I just keep reminding myself that that stuff isn’t real. All that is real is now, and everything is ok right now.