When I am confused, clouded, and at my wits end about the right path to choose, I pray for guidance. I pray and meditate and sleep on it. Eventually, the sweet and juicy moment of clarity arises!
At first, the rush of gratitude and relief comes. Gradually, the realization dawns upon me that I have so much to do to follow the path outlined by my higher power. Suddenly, I feel lazy, overwhelmed, and burdened. I hit the wall of sloth, which is really a wall of fear.
This is a tendency of my enneagram type 9, the peacemaker, but I think it’s something that many of us can relate to. You have a big idea, are super stoked on it, and feverishly begin researching the “how to.” Then, you realize the breadth and depth of planning, time, energy, money. etc. that are required to translate the idea from its immaterial origin into the third dimension. Oh damn, that’s gonna be a lot of work.
In this space of sloth/fear, I find myself resisting the work laid forth by my higher guidance and daydreaming of the easier, safer, more familiar path. The one that requires less of my time and energy, and allows me to remain in my comfort zone.
But then, in come the signs pointing me in the direction of the higher path. These can be little things, like randomly meeting a pair of women who mention their experiences in the place I’ve been guided to visit, and then hearing from another woman about the majesty of the country I’ve been guided to visit on a visa run.
Ok, ok, ok. I get it.
Later, I lay down on the beach to meditate. In comes the realization that these experiences are in fact signs for me, and their interpretation downloads effortlessly.
I open my eyes to the palm trees and sky overhead and see hordes of tiny bright light beings. They are the jungle fairies, densely packed in the rich, raw beach at the northernmost part of Koh Phangan. They wait for those sensitive and quiet enough to perceive their subtle frequency. I listen to them, and they echo the guidance from before.
“Where is your sense of adventure?” they ask.
“You’re sounding like an old lady!”
“Frame it as an adventure and collection of new experiences that promote growth. You know you want to!”
The work will be worth it. Besides, resisting higher guidance always ends up being more challenging and energetically draining anyway. So there’s that too!